We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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