He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
