Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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