My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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