Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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