She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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