it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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