I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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