maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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