garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
