The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
