I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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