I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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