Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
