dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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