My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
