remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
