Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
