We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
