Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize