apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
