You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
