I wish I could punch you in the face.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
