i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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