I want to have your abortion
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
