We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
