things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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