stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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