I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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