i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
