i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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