It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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