girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
