we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize