You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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