So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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