just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
