we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
