Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
