Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
