I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I FOUND THE LEGS
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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