You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
