Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
