3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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