I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize