omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
