my vag is so smooth its legendary
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
