Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
