After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
did you just send me my own nude
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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