well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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