I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
