I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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