It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
