Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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