Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
