Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
