oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
