im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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