Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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