Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
