u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
