Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
