i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
