I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Actions speak louder than pants.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
