The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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