I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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