you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?