don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.