she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dating After Heartbreak
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.