Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people