some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it